(1) The History Card. It's undeniably important that Woodlawn has a long tradition behind it. But what exactly is a "precious life," and how do they mean "remembered and celebrated"? You can't actually do much celebrating there, in fact, they frown on picnics, which is too bad (and a change from the 19th century, when families actually did go on daylong outings--albeit quiet and dignified ones--to garden cemeteries). Gardens: well, not really, it's more parklike. Waters: well, there's one pond, but I'd hardly say "waters." Nature: it's a great spot for birdwatching. I saw a chipmunk the last time I was there, and they've got rabbits. And probably cadaver-eating badgers.

(2) Dollars and Nonsense. Worst moment in the brochure. I hope even the aspirational middle class balks at being offered blatant dollars-and-cents terms on discounts like this. Uncle Morty may have loved a bargain, but do you really want to know, at this stage in your investigation, that you stand to save $750 if you get him his crypt now as opposed to after he's off the ventilator and the building's already constructed? The fact that they apparently don't take Diner's Club cards only adds insult to the injury.

(3) Meticulous Presentation--In All Things But This Brochure. "From Quite Affordable Options to World Class Opulence, You Always Receive Woodlawn's Meticulous Presentation and Extraordinary Value." I think this can be translated into English as "Whether you're cheap or super-loaded, we'll give you a good bang for your funeral buck." I suppose, again, this is an important message for the intended audience, but I'm stumped as to what "meticulous presentation" really is, and why anyone would want it.